Unsettled

My time with God this morning seemed so fruitless. I felt so restless and disturbed. I asked God for a picture of why I was feeling that way.

God brought me back to a time of prayer awhile back, where he had shown me a picture about where I was at in my soul about this "un-farm" situation.

The picture had been a seascape - dark sky, dark deep water, a row boat. I am not anywhere in the picture. Jesus is, but I'm not sure where. It was like He was asking me to fill it in - where did I want to be in the picture? I looked at it. Well, obviously I didn't want to be IN the water...but the row boat didn't look all that inviting either - safe, but not inviting. On the water! That's where I wanna be!

Further on in my prayers He gave me the picture again. This time, it was filled in. Sure enough, I was in the water. But I noticed something. I wasn't crashing around, flailing or panicking. I still had the sense that Jesus was there. Not only that, the water wasn't nearly as deep as I had first thought. It was still dark but it wasn't rough. My footing was sure. In fact, the water was not quite chest-deep. I was ok. I was at complete peace with being in the water.

Today that picture changed. Today, while I was in the water, my face did not register peace, but worry. I repented of it and asked God to fill me again with peace.

It is not coming naturally for me to believe that He has done so, so I will simply believe that he has and continue to lay my unrest at His feet a hundred times today if I have to! No amount of worrying is going to change my circumstances.

When I manage to look at the big picture through peace-colored glasses, I am excited for what God is doing, and will do! There are pieces missing cuz it's a puzzle picture and upon completion, I will be in Glory.

But sometimes, Like today, I wish God would give me a glimpse of what some of those missing pieces are.

...then again, maybe not! Careful what you wish for? Ok. I'll stick with the picture of peace in the water, but don't think I've forgotten where I want to be in that picture.

I'm waiting for that part of the picture to change.