Today is Saturday. It is going to be a gorgeous day! I think I will spend the morning cleaning out the garage so I can park my van in it in the winter! During the summer we use it as gazebo - we put a screen in the garage door and a table and chairs in it so we can socialize away from the misquitos and flies!
Fall is so bitter-sweet. The colors are amazing and the clean, crisp air is so envigorating. I love seeing the fruits of my labor in the garden....fruit!
Oh my goodness!
You should have seen my grapes!
If I can figure it out, I'll post a picture. who knew you could get such a warm-weather fruit on the prairies! We're use to golden wheat, red berries, carrots, potatoes, peas and corn - that's the prairie stuff!
I made my grape jelly the other day and it is FANTABULOUS!!! I know most people lean toward strawberry jam or maybe raspberry, but this...this stuff is amazing! I had some juice left over and my kids love it. It's so sweet - no sugar added! I didn't use sugar in my jelly either. Instead I used a substitute called Xylitol. It's a sugar alcohol that doesn't spike your blood sugar. I use it alot because I feel like the girls get so much sugar elsewhere. I can't control what they get from the school canteen or other places when I'm not there. I do try to encourage then to make wise decisions. I help along where I can in their lunches, the meals I make at home and the stuffI bake for them.
In doing that, having a gaden becomes really important. Fruit jams and jellies, preserves, pasta sauce and salsa are common things that I can. Transfering that stuff from my garden to my pantry feels so good! It saves money at the grocery store and I know what's in the stuff!!! The garden is trimmed, tilled up and ready to go to sleep for the winter. The soil is rich and dark. The shrubs will contrast a little while longer with their red and gold leaves.
I think I'll head out for a short walk and then tackle the garage. What an awesome day!
I am going to focus on the beauty of the day. oh yeah! Gotta get my grapes posted! Here goes.....
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Balloons and SOZO
Thanksgiving has come and gone and I was in the zone! Loved it! Expressed my thankfulness and shed a couple of authentic tears, greatful for all God has brought us through. Even dared to think ahead to what God will continue to do in our lives.
That was a mear five days ago. Today, I'm quite sure BOTH eyes were shut this morning when I met God for coffee. My heart was not quite so full. I felt like a reasonable facilmilie of an old deflated party balloon - you know, the one your kid dragged home from some party that you later found behind the easychair because you detected the overwhelming scent of old latex? Yeah, that one! That's kinda how I felt this morning.
So what could happen in the space of five short days that would take me from "my cup overfloweth" to shrunken balloon syndrome? I wish I had an answer. I am not feeling inspired, perky, nor am I viewing the glass half full. I am desperate to get to SOZO Monday night so I can listen to the Holy Spirit and get to the bottom of this thing.
SOZO is the Greek word for prayer, healing and deliverance. The first time I went to SOZO I knew I wanted to deal with my depression. I've suffered with it for years. When I had babies I know I was walking around in a post-partum depression fog, but I figured it'd lift as the girls got older. Uh-huh. Here we are, some eleven-odd years later. Somehow I never got the memo declaring the past-due date. I think it's past-due. Time to deal. So I'm dealing. I have had some victory over it, but I know there is more to deal with.
This week was one of those weeks that I just wanted to take my shrunken-balloon-self and crawl back into bed once the girls were out the door. I've only told my close friends in the last little while what goes on with my depression. They were stunned to find out that if they call my house and have to leave a message, chances are, I am right there, in my bed, listening to it. Those days are so dark. When I am in this deep dark place, I can't wrap my head around anything that is good. I don't really notice my kids, I couldn't begin to tell you what there is in my kitchen for any one meal, I don't take calls from friends and exercise is out of the question. I'm not stupid. I know it's a vicious circle. The more I do nothing, the more territory the enemy gets. I know. So when I set out to find deliverance, I took that one step as a victory. Then I got to some of the roots of my prision of depression. Victory number two. Then I sat in a chair, waiting for my prayer partner to annoint me with oil and pray for healing for me as I watched some others do at SOZO. This is where it got wild. Five or six other prayer partners were asked to come and pray over me! Clearly, this is no small issue. Satan's got some serious territory here and is not letting go without a fight. So I thought to myself, "Bring it on! I'm ready!" And I was. I was sure it would be done because I was ready to let God do with it what He saw fit. I was so ready to go home with silence in my head - not this constant buzzing that I have. Not once did I doubt that He could handle it. I was sure my belief was all it took because the bible says to have faith. I had it in spades! It became clear that night as I lay my head down to sleep that it ws not over. The noise was still there. Why!?!! DELIVER ME! It is the cry of my heart.
A friend of mine shared this verse with me tonight at cell.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I could have cried! All week this week, instead of crawling back into bed, I depended on God to put one foot in front of the other for me. Victory number three.
I am waiting for Monday so I can continue this healing journey and in the process Lord, could You please restore my thankfulness?
That was a mear five days ago. Today, I'm quite sure BOTH eyes were shut this morning when I met God for coffee. My heart was not quite so full. I felt like a reasonable facilmilie of an old deflated party balloon - you know, the one your kid dragged home from some party that you later found behind the easychair because you detected the overwhelming scent of old latex? Yeah, that one! That's kinda how I felt this morning.
So what could happen in the space of five short days that would take me from "my cup overfloweth" to shrunken balloon syndrome? I wish I had an answer. I am not feeling inspired, perky, nor am I viewing the glass half full. I am desperate to get to SOZO Monday night so I can listen to the Holy Spirit and get to the bottom of this thing.
SOZO is the Greek word for prayer, healing and deliverance. The first time I went to SOZO I knew I wanted to deal with my depression. I've suffered with it for years. When I had babies I know I was walking around in a post-partum depression fog, but I figured it'd lift as the girls got older. Uh-huh. Here we are, some eleven-odd years later. Somehow I never got the memo declaring the past-due date. I think it's past-due. Time to deal. So I'm dealing. I have had some victory over it, but I know there is more to deal with.
This week was one of those weeks that I just wanted to take my shrunken-balloon-self and crawl back into bed once the girls were out the door. I've only told my close friends in the last little while what goes on with my depression. They were stunned to find out that if they call my house and have to leave a message, chances are, I am right there, in my bed, listening to it. Those days are so dark. When I am in this deep dark place, I can't wrap my head around anything that is good. I don't really notice my kids, I couldn't begin to tell you what there is in my kitchen for any one meal, I don't take calls from friends and exercise is out of the question. I'm not stupid. I know it's a vicious circle. The more I do nothing, the more territory the enemy gets. I know. So when I set out to find deliverance, I took that one step as a victory. Then I got to some of the roots of my prision of depression. Victory number two. Then I sat in a chair, waiting for my prayer partner to annoint me with oil and pray for healing for me as I watched some others do at SOZO. This is where it got wild. Five or six other prayer partners were asked to come and pray over me! Clearly, this is no small issue. Satan's got some serious territory here and is not letting go without a fight. So I thought to myself, "Bring it on! I'm ready!" And I was. I was sure it would be done because I was ready to let God do with it what He saw fit. I was so ready to go home with silence in my head - not this constant buzzing that I have. Not once did I doubt that He could handle it. I was sure my belief was all it took because the bible says to have faith. I had it in spades! It became clear that night as I lay my head down to sleep that it ws not over. The noise was still there. Why!?!! DELIVER ME! It is the cry of my heart.
A friend of mine shared this verse with me tonight at cell.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I could have cried! All week this week, instead of crawling back into bed, I depended on God to put one foot in front of the other for me. Victory number three.
I am waiting for Monday so I can continue this healing journey and in the process Lord, could You please restore my thankfulness?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Still Extoling?
....yes, I'm still "extoling the Lord." I must say, it is somewhat feeble today. I am going though the motions and doing the day-to-day stuff. That's the easy part. I am hanging on to and savouring every normal moment that in the past I have taken for granted because of the stuff that has been stripped away. I made the girls pancakes this morning and had devotions with them before they headed out into the blustery cold. I will pick the sweet grapes off my vine growing next to my front door and make grape jelly. I will start the laundry this morning. I am so thankful for all of this, but in the back of my mind that big, grey empty building looms. My husband and I will both have to find jobs. That in itself is ok, but I've been applying for 2 months now! I've been short-listed a number of times, but somehow I can't seem to snag the job! WHY?!? I have prayed about it so much! Why is God holding out on this? He knows we need jobs! I know, I know....trust. Have faith. God will provide...yes Lord, but could you provide NOW?...Like, RIGHT NOW?!!!!!
Truely, I know the answer to that too. I know He is working in me. He is pruning me. OUCH. Knowing the answers and claiming the truth of those answers are two different things. The bible is full of promises meant for us to claim! I grew up knowing so many of them, but I was never taught how to claim them as my own. God was a very big man in the sky whom I wanted to please because I wanted to get to heaven! It never occured to me that he had so much for me right here on earth, while I am waiting to spend eternity in his presence. That was an " AHA" moment!...THAT is the God I want to know! I want those truths to apply to me! When Joshua asks God to make the sun and the moon stand still because the Isrealites need more daylight for battle....WOW! God hears him! He does it! I wanna know THAT God.
Ok. So here is Awesome God. As I keep learning more and more about his character, how do I make THAT God a constant in my life? How do I get to the point where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that THAT God is with me like white on rice all the time...good times, crappy times, lousy parenting times, less than stellar wife times, and I can't get out of the pit times? So many of David's Psalms of praise give evidence of him seeking God first thing in the morning. Hmmm...so here's David. Leader. Seeking God's wisdom in leading the Isrealites. Adulterer. Murderer. Has serious mood swings...I think he should be called "mad king David!" Yet God calls him a man after his own heart! Why?! To me, David seems more than a little nuts! But that's not how God saw him. What did David do to be known as such by God? He brought everything to God. The good, the bad the ugly and the unmentionable. He knew that nothing was hidden from God. Well, that would also mean that MY stuff isn't hidden either. I may as well bring it on! God is not shocked or intimidated by my weaknessess. He invites me to bring it all to him. Every morning.
So that is what I do. With one eye open, coffee sloshing out of my cup and serious bedhead I meet with him. I praise him. Sometimes , like today, my praise does not exactly have the party mood it should. I pour out to him - yep, even the unmentionable. He fills the space that I just emptied and I can get on with my day. The days I'm too lazy to do that...well, I resemble a mad king David!
SO! Onward HO! I'll just go take care of that bedhead now!!! LOL
Truely, I know the answer to that too. I know He is working in me. He is pruning me. OUCH. Knowing the answers and claiming the truth of those answers are two different things. The bible is full of promises meant for us to claim! I grew up knowing so many of them, but I was never taught how to claim them as my own. God was a very big man in the sky whom I wanted to please because I wanted to get to heaven! It never occured to me that he had so much for me right here on earth, while I am waiting to spend eternity in his presence. That was an " AHA" moment!...THAT is the God I want to know! I want those truths to apply to me! When Joshua asks God to make the sun and the moon stand still because the Isrealites need more daylight for battle....WOW! God hears him! He does it! I wanna know THAT God.
Ok. So here is Awesome God. As I keep learning more and more about his character, how do I make THAT God a constant in my life? How do I get to the point where I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that THAT God is with me like white on rice all the time...good times, crappy times, lousy parenting times, less than stellar wife times, and I can't get out of the pit times? So many of David's Psalms of praise give evidence of him seeking God first thing in the morning. Hmmm...so here's David. Leader. Seeking God's wisdom in leading the Isrealites. Adulterer. Murderer. Has serious mood swings...I think he should be called "mad king David!" Yet God calls him a man after his own heart! Why?! To me, David seems more than a little nuts! But that's not how God saw him. What did David do to be known as such by God? He brought everything to God. The good, the bad the ugly and the unmentionable. He knew that nothing was hidden from God. Well, that would also mean that MY stuff isn't hidden either. I may as well bring it on! God is not shocked or intimidated by my weaknessess. He invites me to bring it all to him. Every morning.
So that is what I do. With one eye open, coffee sloshing out of my cup and serious bedhead I meet with him. I praise him. Sometimes , like today, my praise does not exactly have the party mood it should. I pour out to him - yep, even the unmentionable. He fills the space that I just emptied and I can get on with my day. The days I'm too lazy to do that...well, I resemble a mad king David!
SO! Onward HO! I'll just go take care of that bedhead now!!! LOL
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The Rough Stuff
Psalm 34:1 "I will extol the Lord at ALL times; his praise will ALWAYS be on my lips."
I still have a few minutes of quiet this morning before the troops are up, ready and out the door for school. The "troops" would be my three girls who are all of tween age...yes, the bathroom is the most sought-after room in the house between 7:00 and 8:00am! If they all emerge with smiles, it's already been a good day! LOL
Normally my husband is already in the barn and our faithfull employees have arrived for the day. Problem 1 (minor): He is flat in bed with the chills. Problem 2 (major): There are no pigs in our barn. There are no emplyees to come to work. When I think about this, the Psalm above is sometimes difficult.
This is our story.....
My husband and I have been married almost 14 years. We have three fantastic girls. All our married life he has worked with his parents on the farm, bringing it through 2 expansions. It grew from a family farm to a small corporation employing up to 6 people, plus the two of us. Three years ago we became the sole owners. Life was good. Life was very good. We felt so blessed! We lived well - newer vehicles, vacations and toys. It wasn't excessive by North-American standards, and it wasn't all perfect. As anyone with a business knows, some times are smooth sailing and others...not so much! We had plenty of times where we were scrambling because employees were few or inefficient. It was all par-for-the-course and we didn't worry about it much. No, we didn't worry much, but we were on speed-dial to God in those times! When we got through those patches, we blew a sigh of relief, thanked God and went on our merry way. In the back of my mind I always wondered, when is God going to allow us to wade in deep waters so that we will have to cry out to him? I don't mean in a speed-dial kinda way. I mean depending on him for guidance and direction. I mean having to intentionally listen to the Holy Spirit. I mean cultivating a relationship with Jesus Christ. I mean taking a second look at what I believe about God, who he is and what he can do. I mean finding eternal purpose in this temporary life. THAT"S WHAT I MEAN!
I think we are there. For years, I have asked God to show us that part of him. I begged him to make our lives about more than just the here and now. Why is it so hard to understand that and capture that when things are going well? Why is that we suffer from "numb-butt" when life is good? We have the tendancy to sit on our butts and let the good stuff come to us. We paid it forward like we are taught but still made sure we were comfortable in the process....heaven forbid we disturb that "numb-butt"!!
Well, let me asure you, the "numb-butt-ness" has been disturbed! Six months ago we opened an enevelope that had a letter of doom inside. It told us that we were no longer under contract with the hog marketing company. Even then, it never occured to us that it come to a completely empty barn! We were sure the hog market would have turned around by then and all we would feel is a small bump in the road. Hmm....what small bump? It's fallen into an enormous pothole!
I think we are there. God heard my prayers for more. I remember a time last fall at a ladies retreat where I found myself face-to-the-floor, sobbing, begging, pleading, petitioning God for more of him. He has delivered in a way that I never imagined. Oh, I thought he would allow rough times to make us sit up and notice but he took it further. I remember the Holy Spirit daying to me "Are you ready for the ride?" I wasn't. God extended his hand to me and brought me to this - I can truely say that I will extol the Lord at all times!
More next time! Today I will praise him with my empty barn and my full heart! Anybody got any ideas of what I can do with such a massive building of concrete and steel?!!!!
I still have a few minutes of quiet this morning before the troops are up, ready and out the door for school. The "troops" would be my three girls who are all of tween age...yes, the bathroom is the most sought-after room in the house between 7:00 and 8:00am! If they all emerge with smiles, it's already been a good day! LOL
Normally my husband is already in the barn and our faithfull employees have arrived for the day. Problem 1 (minor): He is flat in bed with the chills. Problem 2 (major): There are no pigs in our barn. There are no emplyees to come to work. When I think about this, the Psalm above is sometimes difficult.
This is our story.....
My husband and I have been married almost 14 years. We have three fantastic girls. All our married life he has worked with his parents on the farm, bringing it through 2 expansions. It grew from a family farm to a small corporation employing up to 6 people, plus the two of us. Three years ago we became the sole owners. Life was good. Life was very good. We felt so blessed! We lived well - newer vehicles, vacations and toys. It wasn't excessive by North-American standards, and it wasn't all perfect. As anyone with a business knows, some times are smooth sailing and others...not so much! We had plenty of times where we were scrambling because employees were few or inefficient. It was all par-for-the-course and we didn't worry about it much. No, we didn't worry much, but we were on speed-dial to God in those times! When we got through those patches, we blew a sigh of relief, thanked God and went on our merry way. In the back of my mind I always wondered, when is God going to allow us to wade in deep waters so that we will have to cry out to him? I don't mean in a speed-dial kinda way. I mean depending on him for guidance and direction. I mean having to intentionally listen to the Holy Spirit. I mean cultivating a relationship with Jesus Christ. I mean taking a second look at what I believe about God, who he is and what he can do. I mean finding eternal purpose in this temporary life. THAT"S WHAT I MEAN!
I think we are there. For years, I have asked God to show us that part of him. I begged him to make our lives about more than just the here and now. Why is it so hard to understand that and capture that when things are going well? Why is that we suffer from "numb-butt" when life is good? We have the tendancy to sit on our butts and let the good stuff come to us. We paid it forward like we are taught but still made sure we were comfortable in the process....heaven forbid we disturb that "numb-butt"!!
Well, let me asure you, the "numb-butt-ness" has been disturbed! Six months ago we opened an enevelope that had a letter of doom inside. It told us that we were no longer under contract with the hog marketing company. Even then, it never occured to us that it come to a completely empty barn! We were sure the hog market would have turned around by then and all we would feel is a small bump in the road. Hmm....what small bump? It's fallen into an enormous pothole!
I think we are there. God heard my prayers for more. I remember a time last fall at a ladies retreat where I found myself face-to-the-floor, sobbing, begging, pleading, petitioning God for more of him. He has delivered in a way that I never imagined. Oh, I thought he would allow rough times to make us sit up and notice but he took it further. I remember the Holy Spirit daying to me "Are you ready for the ride?" I wasn't. God extended his hand to me and brought me to this - I can truely say that I will extol the Lord at all times!
More next time! Today I will praise him with my empty barn and my full heart! Anybody got any ideas of what I can do with such a massive building of concrete and steel?!!!!
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