We are struggling to warm up here on the open prairies, but when that sun streams through my window in the morning, I see hope for warmer weather.
And I hope it will be here soon, cuz I got a little project goin' on!
The other day, my youngest daughter came home from school with info about a "super run" taking place on Father's day. They would be training at school for this 2.6 mile run and she needed permission to take part. I asked her if parents could join in. On the run, yes, but in the school training, no. I signed her permission slip and thought about the possibility of participating in this run with her.
What you need to know is this: I HATE RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sure I'm allergic to it.
I decided to see if I could even do this thing, so the next morning, I set about the task of running up and down my driveway. Our driveway is a long, winding lane and I do not care to run down the country roads cuz no one slows down and you end up eating gravel for breakfast - minerals; yum!
As I began this little test run, I had one thing on my mind. My baby girl.
I ran a little further. I thought back to a time - over 10 years ago, when I found out I would have a baby - again. I had a four month old and a two year old already. I can't describe the shock and the devastation I had felt.
A few steps more. I remembered how I had begged God to change His mind. My sisters, parents and in-laws wondered how, in God's sovereignty, this would ever be a blessing as they watched me in my despair.
Almost at the end of the drive now. I recalled questioning God - Why? He knew I couldn't do it! I was already drowning in depression.
Making my way back to the house now. Nine months later, God hadn't changed His mind. This baby girl would be here soon.
I am pacing myself. (Hmm...maybe I can do this thing?) I remembered her birth. What should I name this pretty newborn?
Taking deep breaths, I kept going. My memories kept going too. I remembered that I had kept going in that dark time too; trying to keep my head above the sea of diapers, bottles and sleeplessness.
I smiled a little as I rounded the drive at the house and started back up the lane. My baby's angelic little face filled my memory.
As I continued on, a timeline of pictures flashed in my mind's eye to the rhythm of my foot fall.
My steady cadence brought me back around at the house. I CAN do this thing!!!!
If you could have watched me on my experimental run, you would have seen the strangest sight - there I was, running along, alternating between tears and grins. Suddenly, I knew every step matched those early years of my life with her and just like my jog, somewhere along the way, I knew I would be fine!
I raised my hands in joy. I took deep breaths as my steps faltered. I wanted to stop and fall to my knees as a flood of revelation washed over me. God knew! I gulped for air as the tears threatened and I asked God, in His mercy, to forgive me for not truly trusting Him with His plan. He knew that this gorgeous little girl; this intense ray of sunshine; this jumping bean with her ever-ready hugs and smiles would one day play a part in my victory walk!
While God has delivered me from depression, it is up to me to stay delivered. He has since made it clear to me, that caring for my body; His temple, is the key. This means proper diet and exercise, which is really nothing new to me, however, I have had much difficulty embracing this over the course of my life.
I do not love exercise.
I do love my family.
My little trial run was inspired by my baby girl. In that half hour, not once did I think about the fact that I have to do this, or wonder when it would be over! I was enjoying myself; picturing her and I plodding along together in a sea of runners.
Psalm 139:1-2, 16
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before they came to be."
That is victory! If God had not planned her as a part of my life, I would not have been able to rise above what I have to do, and feel the sheer satisfaction of simply enjoying every aspect of life - yes, even jogging a little!
God knew way back then; long before even I was born, how much I would need her! And just like He did with her sisters, He created her to enrich my life. He created me with a space in my heart that only this energizer bunny could fill!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A Note About My Mom...
Surgery day for my mom was back in March. It was a simple, clean lumpectomy with the removal of a few lymph nodes to be sent away for further testing. The operation itself was a raging success! However, we were now waiting on test results.
The procedure itself is as basic as surgeries can be, but somehow, it seemed sacrilegious to us, that after altering the most defining part that makes us women, my mother was to be shipped out promptly at closing time!
All in a day's work of day surgery!
So while my mom flapped around like a rag doll, my sister set about the task of dressing her for the trek home. Arn'tcha glad we all look the same?! And really, nothing is sacred in hospitals!
but here's the great part:
As my sister is in the final stages of dressing her, my mom's womanly essence comes shining through. She asks ....wait for it....
"Do I look all right?" and pats down her hair.
"Do I look all right?????"
My sister is rendered speechless. You can well imagine what the answer to that one is!
I have to laugh, because I can see this blank, wide-eyed stare, as she looks at mom, blinks, looks again, and wonders if it's ok to lie, cuz chances are, mom won't remember anything anyway! But then, in true christian grace, my mom flops back onto the hospital bed and exclaims, "Don't answer that," thus, redeeming my dear sister of the lie that was camping out in her head.
Yes, we all roared with laughter at the telling of this stellar moment! And how great did that feel? To be able to laugh together at the comical moments because God was so merciful to allow us to keep our mom! Many, are not so lucky. Laughter never felt so good!
God knew that I was not ready to lose my mom. Back on New Years Eve when she broke the news that she had breast cancer, I struggled deeply with the thought of losing her. While it would have been difficult on all of us, as the oldest sibling, you then become the matriarch of the family. By birthright; perhaps in theory only, but very real in my heart, you have become "it." There is no one older and wiser now; with motherly love and instinct. Oh how I praise God that I have time (hopefully a lot of it!) to work this out in my spirit.
My mom's recovery has been nothing short of a miracle. While she left the hospital armed with pain killers, she never needed them. She has chosen to go through radiation treatments and that will begin soon. The pathology report came back negative, so we are rejoicing in relief.
We are praying that the radiation will go as well as the surgery did.
Mother's day is coming up, and I have every intention of celebrating it like it's the event of the year!
note: This story has been posted with permission.
The procedure itself is as basic as surgeries can be, but somehow, it seemed sacrilegious to us, that after altering the most defining part that makes us women, my mother was to be shipped out promptly at closing time!
All in a day's work of day surgery!
So while my mom flapped around like a rag doll, my sister set about the task of dressing her for the trek home. Arn'tcha glad we all look the same?! And really, nothing is sacred in hospitals!
but here's the great part:
As my sister is in the final stages of dressing her, my mom's womanly essence comes shining through. She asks ....wait for it....
"Do I look all right?" and pats down her hair.
"Do I look all right?????"
My sister is rendered speechless. You can well imagine what the answer to that one is!
I have to laugh, because I can see this blank, wide-eyed stare, as she looks at mom, blinks, looks again, and wonders if it's ok to lie, cuz chances are, mom won't remember anything anyway! But then, in true christian grace, my mom flops back onto the hospital bed and exclaims, "Don't answer that," thus, redeeming my dear sister of the lie that was camping out in her head.
Yes, we all roared with laughter at the telling of this stellar moment! And how great did that feel? To be able to laugh together at the comical moments because God was so merciful to allow us to keep our mom! Many, are not so lucky. Laughter never felt so good!
God knew that I was not ready to lose my mom. Back on New Years Eve when she broke the news that she had breast cancer, I struggled deeply with the thought of losing her. While it would have been difficult on all of us, as the oldest sibling, you then become the matriarch of the family. By birthright; perhaps in theory only, but very real in my heart, you have become "it." There is no one older and wiser now; with motherly love and instinct. Oh how I praise God that I have time (hopefully a lot of it!) to work this out in my spirit.
My mom's recovery has been nothing short of a miracle. While she left the hospital armed with pain killers, she never needed them. She has chosen to go through radiation treatments and that will begin soon. The pathology report came back negative, so we are rejoicing in relief.
We are praying that the radiation will go as well as the surgery did.
Mother's day is coming up, and I have every intention of celebrating it like it's the event of the year!
note: This story has been posted with permission.
Waiting
I found a verse today that was at one time stuck to my fridge.
'Lord, I have heard of your fame,
I stand in awe of Your deeds, O God.
Renew them in our day,
in our time make them known.'
Habakkuk 3:2
A couple of years ago, before we had any clue what we would be up against in the world of agriculture, I took part of a bible study (yes, it was Beth Moore) that challenged my belief in God. Not only my belief in God, but did I actually believe God?
As the weeks went on and we dove head first into God's word, I started to realize that what I believed about God was utterly sub-standard. I had no expectations of Him what-so-ever! Week after week we uncovered promise after promise...WOW! I asked God to make them true for me.
Through the study, we had to memorize 5 key phrases that emphasized the truth and realities of His promises. Every week we recited them with each other out loud - like a pledge. What I loved about that, is that when we hear it enough, it becomes truth to us. This principle has been proven over and over again in the negative and we all know it has a Strong effect - to the point of shaping some of the worst parts of us. Imagine how powerful the positive, life changing, Holy Spirit-inspired version of this is!
By the time we were ready to wrap up the study, I boldly proclaimed that I wanted a front row seat to His miracles! Little did I know at the time how raw that plea was soon going to become.
"Lord, I have heard of Your fame."
No doubt, I grew up knowing all the stories - David and Goliath, Noah's Ark, Adam and Eve, Daniel in the Lion's Den, Joseph in the Well, Joshua and the Wall, The Birth of Jesus, Samson..... on and on.
"I stand in awe of Your deeds, O God."
Well, the last time I checked, I could not walk on water, spit in some one's eye and heal it, or dump someone out of their wheelchair and tell them to get up and walk! So yes, 'awe' would describe my thoughts on that to a tee!
"Renew them in our day."
Come to think of it, I haven't seen anyone do that lately in my community! You don't have to look very far to see that it would be a valid plea - poor, sick, lonely, depressed, overworked, stressed....how many people do you know like that? Yes, a miracle or two would go far in renewing and invigorating some of us!
"In our time make them known."
My front row seat is reserved. Actually, I feel like I have my own, private center-stage on this. I am in the midst of needing a miracle!
Bring it on Lord! Don't hold back on my account! I'm believing You are who You say You are! I'm believing that You can do what you said You could! So if you don't mind Lord, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting on You!
I can't wait to see this!
'Lord, I have heard of your fame,
I stand in awe of Your deeds, O God.
Renew them in our day,
in our time make them known.'
Habakkuk 3:2
A couple of years ago, before we had any clue what we would be up against in the world of agriculture, I took part of a bible study (yes, it was Beth Moore) that challenged my belief in God. Not only my belief in God, but did I actually believe God?
As the weeks went on and we dove head first into God's word, I started to realize that what I believed about God was utterly sub-standard. I had no expectations of Him what-so-ever! Week after week we uncovered promise after promise...WOW! I asked God to make them true for me.
Through the study, we had to memorize 5 key phrases that emphasized the truth and realities of His promises. Every week we recited them with each other out loud - like a pledge. What I loved about that, is that when we hear it enough, it becomes truth to us. This principle has been proven over and over again in the negative and we all know it has a Strong effect - to the point of shaping some of the worst parts of us. Imagine how powerful the positive, life changing, Holy Spirit-inspired version of this is!
By the time we were ready to wrap up the study, I boldly proclaimed that I wanted a front row seat to His miracles! Little did I know at the time how raw that plea was soon going to become.
"Lord, I have heard of Your fame."
No doubt, I grew up knowing all the stories - David and Goliath, Noah's Ark, Adam and Eve, Daniel in the Lion's Den, Joseph in the Well, Joshua and the Wall, The Birth of Jesus, Samson..... on and on.
"I stand in awe of Your deeds, O God."
Well, the last time I checked, I could not walk on water, spit in some one's eye and heal it, or dump someone out of their wheelchair and tell them to get up and walk! So yes, 'awe' would describe my thoughts on that to a tee!
"Renew them in our day."
Come to think of it, I haven't seen anyone do that lately in my community! You don't have to look very far to see that it would be a valid plea - poor, sick, lonely, depressed, overworked, stressed....how many people do you know like that? Yes, a miracle or two would go far in renewing and invigorating some of us!
"In our time make them known."
My front row seat is reserved. Actually, I feel like I have my own, private center-stage on this. I am in the midst of needing a miracle!
Bring it on Lord! Don't hold back on my account! I'm believing You are who You say You are! I'm believing that You can do what you said You could! So if you don't mind Lord, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting on You!
I can't wait to see this!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
SWINE flu?!????!!!!!
OH MY.
Can you speak?!??? Swine flu???!
I can NOT think of a worse thing for this thing to be called!
They say that since it has nothing to do with pigs, it has no actual effect on the hog industry.
Ummm.....
Russia has banned the import of pork.
The future outlook on pork prices has dropped significantly.
.....and it has not affected the market!????
I'm so mad! I could......spit!
Yeah. I know that's kinda useless. I really hate being at the mercy of this hog market crisis, and this really takes the cake!
Who in the world woke up one morning and decided to call this thing swine flu! Maybe they should have called it gas and oil flu....perhaps the world would slow down a little then! LOL. Even better - how 'bout chocolate flu! Isn't that a hoot! I'd loose a few pounds in my effort to keep from getting the flu. Nice!
Don't get me wrong. I know how serious this is - especially in Mexico. Mass diseases like this are scary for everyone. The weird thing is, there are only a handful of cases here in the prairies, which are mild and most of us are outraged at the name of this global sickness!
Not only does it seem ridiculous to have this particular title, but it also takes away from the fact that it is a global illness to be reckoned with and this name alone is responsible for the rush of false information on how to deal with it. Taking the focus off the real thing is making it much more difficult to get it under control.
I know one thing. God is not the author of confusion. He can see the bigger picture of this whole thing. He can even see how this misnomer is affecting my farm and the neighbour's farm and the neighbour's, neighbour's farm and so on.
Nope. I don't get it. But God does. So I'll just keep watching the news to see what's going on.
I'll wash my hands and cough in my sleeve to try to avoid it.
And I'll try not to shake my head in wonder at this strange turn of events affecting an industry that can't take much more.
Can you speak?!??? Swine flu???!
I can NOT think of a worse thing for this thing to be called!
They say that since it has nothing to do with pigs, it has no actual effect on the hog industry.
Ummm.....
Russia has banned the import of pork.
The future outlook on pork prices has dropped significantly.
.....and it has not affected the market!????
I'm so mad! I could......spit!
Yeah. I know that's kinda useless. I really hate being at the mercy of this hog market crisis, and this really takes the cake!
Who in the world woke up one morning and decided to call this thing swine flu! Maybe they should have called it gas and oil flu....perhaps the world would slow down a little then! LOL. Even better - how 'bout chocolate flu! Isn't that a hoot! I'd loose a few pounds in my effort to keep from getting the flu. Nice!
Don't get me wrong. I know how serious this is - especially in Mexico. Mass diseases like this are scary for everyone. The weird thing is, there are only a handful of cases here in the prairies, which are mild and most of us are outraged at the name of this global sickness!
Not only does it seem ridiculous to have this particular title, but it also takes away from the fact that it is a global illness to be reckoned with and this name alone is responsible for the rush of false information on how to deal with it. Taking the focus off the real thing is making it much more difficult to get it under control.
I know one thing. God is not the author of confusion. He can see the bigger picture of this whole thing. He can even see how this misnomer is affecting my farm and the neighbour's farm and the neighbour's, neighbour's farm and so on.
Nope. I don't get it. But God does. So I'll just keep watching the news to see what's going on.
I'll wash my hands and cough in my sleeve to try to avoid it.
And I'll try not to shake my head in wonder at this strange turn of events affecting an industry that can't take much more.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
God-Inspired
This morning I spent some time re-reading past entries.
What I saw really surprised me.
I saw a journey.
I saw God's hand.
I saw Jesus' redemption.
I saw the Holy Spirit's revelations.
As I poured over the posts, I thought to myself, "I wrote that?" Some of it is thought provoking. Some is boring. Some is confusing! However, none of it is new.
Since the beginning of the human race there has been struggle. God even got fed up enough with the whole mess of things to douse most everyone to death and start over with one family who had it in them to stick it out with the Deliverer.
No doubt, struggles continue and we are all on our own personal journey. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt where I want to be at the end of my hike here on earth. I know too, that I want to take as many people with me as I can!
While I read through what was going down in my little corner of the prairies, I felt strengthened. Strengthened because some days I am not sure how we are going to make it to the next. Some days I wake up and ask God, 'what do you have for me today?' and by the end of the day, I realize He has been silent. Reading all I've written tells me one thing -
While God may sometimes be silent, He is always working!
Writing, journaling, storytelling - these are all proof of the hope of things not seen.
My prayer is that you too, are strengthened by reflecting on what God is doing in your life.
What I saw really surprised me.
I saw a journey.
I saw God's hand.
I saw Jesus' redemption.
I saw the Holy Spirit's revelations.
As I poured over the posts, I thought to myself, "I wrote that?" Some of it is thought provoking. Some is boring. Some is confusing! However, none of it is new.
Since the beginning of the human race there has been struggle. God even got fed up enough with the whole mess of things to douse most everyone to death and start over with one family who had it in them to stick it out with the Deliverer.
No doubt, struggles continue and we are all on our own personal journey. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt where I want to be at the end of my hike here on earth. I know too, that I want to take as many people with me as I can!
While I read through what was going down in my little corner of the prairies, I felt strengthened. Strengthened because some days I am not sure how we are going to make it to the next. Some days I wake up and ask God, 'what do you have for me today?' and by the end of the day, I realize He has been silent. Reading all I've written tells me one thing -
While God may sometimes be silent, He is always working!
Writing, journaling, storytelling - these are all proof of the hope of things not seen.
My prayer is that you too, are strengthened by reflecting on what God is doing in your life.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Hello Again
Well. I'm back. I took a break from blogging. Not a planned break. Just... I don't know. I suppose I'm beginning to feel like a broken record. God is changing me so much and bringing so many new experiences in my life because of my "UN-farm" that putting it all into words, sentences and phrases that make sense is suddenly somewhat difficult.
I also struggled with whether or not writing was a waste of time. I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to get back to writing and blogging. So I asked God about it one morning. He said: "How is it a waste of time, doing something you love, for ME!" When I fleshed this out with my girlfriends on a fantastic girls weekend away, (yes, it involved shopping!) they clearly indicated that this was a no-brainer with the gentle sentiment of "give your head a shake! God's talking to you!" Hmm. Arguing with God is rough enough, never mind when your friends are in cahoots with Him too!
It is evening and I am beyond exhausted. You would think that there is simply nothing to do on an "UN-farm" yet I'm not sure I can think of too many times that have been busier than these last two months.
At this late hour in the evening (well, OK....really it's only 9:37, but I can feel my bed calling out to me!) I have no scripture to dissect or inspire me. I am loving the feeling of my fingers flying over the keys. I am relishing the string of words and sentences that give credence to thoughts and ideas that sometimes, I'm not sure I even have - save for the proof of these entries and other stories or bits of writing recorded by ink or keyboard.
It's good to be home. I have missed this. Good night.
I also struggled with whether or not writing was a waste of time. I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to get back to writing and blogging. So I asked God about it one morning. He said: "How is it a waste of time, doing something you love, for ME!" When I fleshed this out with my girlfriends on a fantastic girls weekend away, (yes, it involved shopping!) they clearly indicated that this was a no-brainer with the gentle sentiment of "give your head a shake! God's talking to you!" Hmm. Arguing with God is rough enough, never mind when your friends are in cahoots with Him too!
It is evening and I am beyond exhausted. You would think that there is simply nothing to do on an "UN-farm" yet I'm not sure I can think of too many times that have been busier than these last two months.
At this late hour in the evening (well, OK....really it's only 9:37, but I can feel my bed calling out to me!) I have no scripture to dissect or inspire me. I am loving the feeling of my fingers flying over the keys. I am relishing the string of words and sentences that give credence to thoughts and ideas that sometimes, I'm not sure I even have - save for the proof of these entries and other stories or bits of writing recorded by ink or keyboard.
It's good to be home. I have missed this. Good night.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
