A New Name For Me!

It is sooooooo good to be back on my blog! I'd like to say that my absence is evidence of bliss (not blogging means no issues), but the truth is, while life has been handing me lemons, it's been taking a lot of time, effort and tears turning them into lemonade!

A year has come and gone with no hope of ever returning to hog farming. It seems every day there is a new monkey wrench in my lemonade! There really seems to be no reason to hang on to this farm. 9 - 5 jobs will not pay the property tax, debt-forgiveness tax (yes, there is such a thing), larger than average hydro bills, lagoon decommissioning, not to mention, who in the world has the time to mow acres of grass or the money to care for the equipment?!?????

"Not I," said the woman!

All this along with two computer crashes and a car accident involving a bear (yes, a real one) is almost more than I can take! And let's not even get into the community minor hockey stuff - I don't know why they call it an "arena" when they should just cut to the chase and call it a circus. The clowns and three-ring acts are in abundance!

I'd like to stand on top of the tallest building in the world and scream "NO! I'm not fine!" But then, no one would be able to hear little bitty me all the way up there anyway. Oh, the futility!!!

In all of this, as always, once I've fished the monkey wrenches out of my lemonade, there are some sweet sips.

Our 13 year old daughter was baptized this weekend! Wow! I feel so humbled and truly blessed that in this highly stressful time which just seems to intensify my poor parenting skills, that she would choose this! I have not done anything to contribute to this act of obedience.

In fact, I am very sure, that if I look down, I will see one set of footprints in the sand, because God is carrying me. I only hope that He will not drop me on my butt, throw up His hands and say "Well fine then, you stubborn human! Have your way! You carve out your own path!" I pray that I am teachable!

Another bright spot is my new job. YES! I said NEW JOB! God has provided me with the best job EVER!!!!!!! Not only am I "Roxanna May of the Prairies," I am now also "Roxanna May of Canadian Lifelight Ministries!" I work in a ministry! You know how when Jesus went to the disciples like Peter, and said "You are not Simon, you are called Peter?" Well, corny as it is, that's kinda how I feel! This is my new identity. My new job is a representative of me, and I am a representative of Christ. Oh my. What a responsibility! I am so humbled to have been bestowed this new name, and so honored to proclaim it!

All I have wanted to do for the last year is cry. I am ready to fall apart at any and every moment. I feel apart at our Lifelight board meeting, in front of people I had never met! For heaven sakes, the timing couldn't have been worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to cry for various reasons- pain, sorrow, frustration, joy, praise and worship. Lately, I can hardly keep it together in church! I wish there were no chairs, cuz during worship, I just want to fall on my face in reverence and worship of my Lord, Savior and Sovereign King. Raising my hands just doesn't cut it cuz my unworthiness of His favor is more at floor-level!

I'm settled in the arms of my Lord, who is walking along, carrying me forward.
I am sharing my lemonade with Him!